Miss the old me

Its 5:46 a.m., Ron left 45 minutes ago to clean the church.  And sadly for me the kiddos have been making sounds in their rooms.  Such is life.

I miss being me.  I mean my mind is still on the most part how it was, grasp for words at times but I speak and think cognitively.  But my body isn’t like it was. 

Even sleeping is hard because I have to maneuver to move. I use the bars on the headboard to help me turn.  And  have to be careful laying on my left side as my shoulder has to lay a certain way.

The arm and leg are numb and heavy. Like having 2 boat anchors attached to your body.  I miss hopping out of bed, walking to the bathroom and taking a bubble bath while reading a book.  I can’t hold a book and turn the pages at the same time.

I miss making it to the bathroom in a normal time frame and not tottering down the hallway, praying you will make it in time.  I miss a bladder and bowels that work as they are suppose too.

I miss non elastic waisted pants.  I still can’t do my jeans alone (insert sad face). And I miss my shoes.  Miss my boots and heels and cute dresses.  Flats with laces are what I am limited to wear and some of those just don’t quite look right.

Maybe I am a bit vain.  But I like to look fashionable and professional.  Now I feel a bit on the dumpy side.  Need my mojo back.  Lol.

I miss not having to feel as I am double my age.  I can compare my health and problems to a lot of those who are 70 and 80.  I was even in a conversation about canes and aches with someone at a restaurant.

Yes I am whining. Yes I am on the pity pot.  Every once in awhile I am entitled. So neer neer.  I will doze back off and awake in a better mood.

So there.



I am a wife, mother, and pastor. We moved from Bowling Green, Missouri to Idaho Falls in 2016. I am a native of Eastern Washington state. In 2013 I had 2 strokes in 8 days and this is my journey of faith, family and health. I believe no matter what happens in your life that God can use it for His glory.

4 thoughts on “Miss the old me

  1. Dawn Marie I don’t consider it whinning. Your stating the facts of how you feel and you have every right. Sometimes we ALL have to speak of how we feel, now it might be a different story if all we do is sit on our butts and never do a thing but some of us are or was busy from 5:00 in the morning till late in the evening. When that is obstructed in any way it becomes a life changer.and I imagine a very heartbreaking experience. I just keep telling myself that we never know what God is going to hand us, so we all need to prepare ourselves for anything. We have to remember that we can handle anything as long as He is by our side. Love you Dawn Marie ❤


  2. Dear Dawn Marie……I so wish I…..we…..someone…….anyone……..could change your circumstances….especially change you into who you were before your strokes.

    BUT………….we do know how that would work out!!!! If God isn’t in it………what a mess! So……I will leave well enough alone and just say……..

    Whine away……( I agree, it really isn’t)……this is your blog to tell it just like it is…..give it all….the good, the bad, the ugly. I believe it is a “win-win” situation; it will aid in your healing process and hopefully help you figure out who the “new you” really is and what God has in mind for this new road you are on. We, your blog followers, get to “come along” on your journey, seeing and experiencing through your mind, heart and eyes…..

    Whoops……I could get carried away with this so will close with…..

    Dawn Marie, you are loved by so any and so many would carry this burden for you if they could…..but….they……we…..I…… can’t…… so let us help in the one way we really can…..by letting us know how to target prayers….and I see this blog doing just exactly that…..

    Today I pray God will guide in you knowing how to help your children understand their new mom…that she is different physically but the same in her heart. Love….blessings…..joy and peace to you. sf


  3. I don’t know you but your blog showed up in my Facebook news feed. I just wanted to say how much this touched me. My Husband had a stroke 17 months ago. I so miss the old me and my old life. I hate that I have to give showers, wipe bottoms, serve his meals, sleep in an empty bed and hardly get to go anywhere because of his limitations and him needing help. I don’t want you to think I do these duties in a negative way. I am always willing to do what needs to be done. I just on some days miss the old me miss having to be in charge of everything and everyone. I so understand where you are coming from. I know you feel blessed but some days it feels good to whine. All the best to you in this journy.


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