Rotary was pretty cool. Was good to be back, did feel a bit of an odd duck. But good to see so many familiar faces. I have the program in 2 weeks. Thinking of doing it on Psalm 126:2 Clown Ministry.
Worked with my hand today. Was able to do quite a few exercises with it until the tone set in. It is like working in concrete. But I am determined to keep working with my hand. Shoulder is still whacked out…giving me a lot pain. I was not able to sleep last night or this afternoon. Hopefully tonight will be the night.
Ron brought home some eggplant from Tommy Branstetter. I made eggplant parmesan for dinner. Ron cut the eggplant, opened the jar but I did the rest. Am kind of pleased about it. I am learning how to do things with one weak arm and a cane. I think I rock.
Family was good tonight. Everyone ate dinner, no one argued and they got ready for bed with no complaint. That is a good night.
Ron and I watched the Presidential Address. I am confused and divided. I am not an overtly political person. I believe in humanity, I hate atrocity, I hate the senseless loss of innocent lives. I hate war. I hate wondering what if…I have seen my son deployed three times. This is not black or white. I guess I just pray.
Ron is back cleaning the church right now, kids are in bed and dogs are hoping to come in. I am sitting here reflecting on life. My life is pretty darn good. There are areas I wish were different. I miss close friends just to giggle and shop with. But at the same time it is hard for people to hang out with a pastor. And there are things I have learned to enjoy alone. But I am relatively content. Not too content and not complacent.
It is interesting to see how folks handle challenges. Some give in, some surrender and some fight. My momma she quit and stopped fighting, she was so tired but on her last day, she wouldn’t surrender.
Some folks choose to not try to change anything. It is what it is and they continue to be the victim. I notice this with my foster kids. They don’t take responsibility for their actions and it is always everyone fault. They don’t understand the idea of accountability or responsibility. It is something that they seem to learn in the system.
Than there are the fighters. They want change. They want to improve and make the difference. That is me. I won’t surrender. Do I want to at times? Oh yes. I get tired and want not to try but I push forward. Maybe it is the fear of failure from my childhood, maybe it is just my drive and stubbornness.
Also its the need, the desire to live as a child of God. Let his light shine and allow myself to share the transparency of my journey. I have prayed more, I have read more, I have meditated more and I feel a fire within me. I still have a long way to go but I am not alone. I know there will be tears, lot more sweat and pain. But things like this make you stronger in faith, body, and mind.
My prayers continue for the family of Hannah Buchanan and the community. The service is tomorrow. So much pain right now.