Ok,this may sound like a cry fest or pity party…. And it is  probably.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hurt; my shoulder and my hand. My knee is swollen. My arm and leg spasm whenever they feel like it, much to my annoyance but to the children’s glee. And my headaches are returning. I get to go back to the dr next week to get a referral to my neurologist. Last time they all talked it sounded like a series of tests. Fun. Plus my balance is not all there, I need the bubble wrap my Canadian friend Cindy always threatens me with, I have several bumps and bruises.

My physical therapist recommended me not getting on the ground as getting up is not my forte. Nothing less graceful than a turtle on its shell. And taking a header when you go down is not a flattering look.

I do try to find the positive in all this. I am alive, it could have been much worse, I have recovered quite a bit….I still have my mind (ok most of it) and my voice doesn’t get as strangled sounding.

I had thought in my mind initially that I would be back to “normal” in 6 months. That is not my reality.  It has been 9 months and I still struggle with my left side. It is bad when my 93 year old trio and my 99 year old lady are in better shape. I can learn a lot from them; Exercise, garden, go barefoot, love, loyalty, stubbornness, gentility and eat raw onion sandwiches.

My husband has been remarkable.  Pretty close to a saint. Kids are kids. They don’t get the concept of a illness like this.  They are like me, she/ me should be better. The soon to be legal daughter informed me, “you need to stop pretending, you got enough attention.”

I will sleep tonight. I will wake up in a better frame of mind. I will be thankful for my faith, my family, my church families and friends, my house and my vocation. I truly am blessed that I have all I have there are folks that aren’t as fortunate.

So I have whimpered and whined in this post. Now it is time to read my devotion, read some Psalms and do a little chatting with God. Thanks for listening.



I am a wife, mother, and pastor. We moved from Bowling Green, Missouri to Idaho Falls in 2016. I am a native of Eastern Washington state. In 2013 I had 2 strokes in 8 days and this is my journey of faith, family and health. I believe no matter what happens in your life that God can use it for His glory.

One thought on “Aaarrrggghh

  1. not the “new normal” you’ve been hoping for, at all. You are being surrounded in prayer (which may not be as tangible as bubble-wrap!). It’s a tough lesson that none of us appreciate learning–that the human body is both amazingly resilient, and yet so very fragile.


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