I am a bit gray or grey or maybe it’s easier saying I am blue today. A lot of it is frustration, a lot of it is a bit of me being a Debbie downer. Never understood why they picked on the name Debbie like that.
My leg isn’t holding my weight well for the past few days so walking is a bit difficult. Baby Hubcap had a horrible day yesterday, thus we had a horrible day. Finally got him to calm down and held him for 45 minutes. He laid against my left side, the bad side. And he is 55 pounds at 4. So nevertheless the arm has not been feeling well. On a scale of 1 – 10 today with leg, shoulder, and head I am about an 8.
I have made a lot of improvement but I thought by now I would be at 80℅ but am more like 50℅. Still with cane. Still no high heels, still not able to wear cute flats. I told Ron I am not who I was or who I hoped to be. I am swollen and more chubby. And not chubbilicious but jigggly puffy. I don’t feel attractive. I can’t wear a lot of things I use to, can’t tie my own shoes. And often words escape me and I almost make a fool of myself even breaking out into charades to get this word. Today that word was jelly. You know the sticky stuff, goes on there.
I can drive in town but I cant get into the Durango to drive. And there is also the fact we don’t have the 2nd vehicle yet…miss my independence in so many ways.
OK whinefest is semi done. I need to look at my blessings. All my children; His, Mine,Foster, Adopted, RYC, Youth and Church kids. My churches; Kennewick First Christian, Memorial First Christian, Bowling Green First Christian, New Harmony Christian Church. My family by biology and by choice, my brothers and sisters in the Walk (Emmaus) community, my colleagues in Christ and those friends who have been there.
Some of you have seen the worst and forgiven me and been there it all. We have laughed, we have cried and we have watched each other and our children grow. Some of I am sure have been angels in disguise. Ron certainly has had wide shoulders and a patient heart and forgiving spirit.
Deep breath. I am thankful I am alive. I am thankful for God.
