Some say women are moody creatures. Others say hormonal. Some will use names that are less nice. We do or can run the range of emotions on any given day and that is not counting any physical issues we may be having.
I at times where every emotiom on my sleeve or face. Sometimes I can be stong, especially in my professional life. But at times those emotions bubble over in the strangest ways and the weirdest time. Where even my inner voice is looking at me in confusion and saying, “girl, get a grip.”
The family and I were driving home and a song came on by Eric Clapton and I suddenly started crying. Not “Tears from Heaven” no….but would have possibly with tomorrow being the 3rd Anniversary of the Momma’s death. The song that started the tear fest “You Look Wonderful”…kids thought I was in pain, Ron is looking at me like maybe he needs to drop me somewhere. My inner voice is embarrassed to be my inner voice at that moment.
I always get after my kids when they answer me with, “I don’t know” but right then, I didn’t know why I was crying. Was it just time for my monthly sob fest to cleanse myself? Did that song have a special meaning for my beloved and I? Ummm no.
I pulled myself together and straightened up my big girl panties. This was an emotional mystery to be solved. Could I blame it on being tired? Could I blame it on stroke brain? I was tired but not that tired. My stroke made me emotionally weird at times but that wasn’t it…
Then it clicked, or glimmered…I haven’t felt fully beautiful or wonderful or a full woman since my strokes. It is like I am three-fourths there. My new normal, my adaptation to what I can and can’t do has gone well. But there are things I still can’t do, movements I can’t make with my hand or leg. I still exercise and some days my gait is great.
Walking with a hitch in your get a long only looks good if you are John Wayne though. I have learned the Walter Mondale method of carrying something in my weak hand to disguise it. And if I don’t move at all you can’t tell.
Honestly this is silly stuff to worry about. Someone out there, a lot of someones are hurting worse than I. I am truly blessed. A husband, adult children, younger children, family, friend, 2 churches, my EWWC family and most of all my faith.
Tomorrow is going to be super busy and I am glad because I don’t want to mope. I miss my mom but I can’t change what was. I will say a prayer, I will call my stepdad and check on him and late in the night, I admit I will cry some tears but these will make sense. These will be my “missing The Momma” tears.
God made us to cry, he made us with a range of emotions. Just sometimes we range a little far and wide with them. For those of who do, keep a hankie handie and a friend nearby.