This is a good news and bad news post. This is a post in continuation of yesterday or actually early early this morning. It was written with angst, anger, frustration and fear. Fear that my child is now in a new wandering stage that we do not understand. Anger that she took Ralphie and lost him. Frustration on how to make her understand the danger and angst over my fur baby who is intuitive of my illness and moods. My protector and watcher as I walk downstairs staying faithful at my side. It is like he is telling me, “you can do it mom, I am right here”.
This morning I am woken my a bundle of a large fur creature manically jumping on me in bed. I screamed, “Ralphie!” and hugged him until he wiggled away to find food and water. I excitedly ask Ron, “He found his way home!”.
Ron hesitates and says, “he never left home, he was in your car all night apparently”.
I am perplexed and then it dawns on me who put him in there, the Princess. We wake her up and tell her Ralphie is here. She replies, “Really?”
We ask her why she made us worry and think the worst? She saw we were upset; Daddy and the Teen spent 30 minutes searching for him. She saw nerves were fraught last night leading to snapping and unrest for the rest of the family. Her response was, “I don’t know”. Doesn’t every parent hear that phrase and doesn’t it gall us?
When asked again why. She says she was going to drive the car and take Ralphie with her. I reminded her she was 11 and didn’t know how to drive. She said she had seen Daddy do it and proceeded to describe how it was done. You start the car with a key, you put it in reverse, back up, then put it into D and you hit the gas and go. My 11 year old is more interested in driving than my 15 year old.
Driving to school she told me how far she had gotten on foot last night with Ralph and holding onto his choke chain. Thank goodness my gentle giant didn’t pull or break her grip. She then asks, “Can I drive the rest of the way to school?” I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry.
This child has become something else. She doesn’t understand the danger she could be in and that she is putting herself in scary situations. She is becoming a master of getting out. It is like if you blink she is gone. We aren’t letting her play outside in fear that is an open invitation to go and keeping her in the house is getting impossible.
This child is going to drive me to drink or institutionalize me or put me in the grave. She definitely is driving me to my knees in prayer. God says, he will never give us more than we can handle, he has a great sense of humor. We love her deeply and we are no saints. Other folks have it much worse and handle it much better. We are getting a GPS for her and we now are getting a team of professionals together.
Years from now I hope I look back at this and laugh. Ralphie may not.