The Matthew verse has been resounding with me for the last few days. I am trying to not to worry about tomorrow. The TAA (thoracic aorta aneurysm) it’s not something I can change.. it is what it is. The lump in my breast is there and I can’t change that. I have surprised myself with no tears or hysteria. I am concerned, when you know there is a TAA you feel like a walking timebomb.
I am a bit matter of fact in some ways or practical. I know I have to get several things in place; healthcare directive, living will, durable power of attorney and a will. Not to be morbid but funeral wishes and decisions (this is from working in a funeral home).
These aren’t fun things to do at all but necessary. I am more worried about my husband and my children. I want to protect them but this time I can’t, the reality is there.
I know another reason I am not a puddle of emotions is I am totally relying on God. I trust him and knows he has me in his hands and heart.
In the Lord’s prayer, we say,
Let thy will be done
His will not mine.
Maybe tomorrow after talking to the cardio surgeon we will find out if I am having surgery or what type. Maybe I will even be healed. I believe in miracles.
I have not even looked ahead to Friday with the mammogram and ultrasound. That feels a long way away. I am only trying and I stress trying to take care of today.
It has only been one week since we have begun this journey. Buckle up kiddies we are on this wild ride together.