What is Next

I write this as my children are yelling across the hallway both telling each other to be quiet. The Princess is afraid after watching Indiana Jones and is refusing to sleep. The Teen keeps making boo noises. Just another typical no school tomorrow night.

This has been an exhausting week. Actually been a hard two weeks. We have had a lot to digest. Good news, bad news, heart wrenching drama.

The Teen has been having rages. Extreme ones. Wall breaking, door breaking, chair breaking rages. It usually starts with the word–No. That most simple but dreaded word of every child. This word can lead to tears (usually that is the Princess), to backtalk, to throwing things, name calling, and unreasonable rages.

Daddy and the Teen clash horribly. Neither backs down at times. In many ways they are similar but in the sameness they also can be diverse opposites.

We have been worried about the Teen even before our move. We thought some of the issues we were having was due to that. It was a hard change for him. Whereas, the Princess has thrived, the Teen has not.

His grades have dropped, he made some poor social mistakes at school that the kids have not forgotten.  And let’s face it kids can be mean. He feels bullied and not liked. It’s heartbreaking as a parent to not be able to fix things.

This past week was difficult. On Monday the school called to let us know that other kids had said the Teen was cutting.  When asked why, the response was a shrug and “I don’t know”. It was like talking to wall.

We spoke with his counselor. We moved the Teen out of the downstairs to be up with us. We thought things would be chill. He was acting calm and aware of our concerns.

On Friday though we took several steps backward. We received a call from the school counselor  (we are becoming grand friends with nearly a call a week from her).  The Teen had his phone confiscated by her. Let me point out he’d just gotten the phone back after three weeks. Let me also point out, that we are very specific that his phone not go to school. 

She confiscated the phone when he was doing a live stream of the talent show. He swears he was being targeted or profiled by her. If having his phone confiscated was not enough, the Teen with his extensive lack of creative vocabulary called her a f#$@ing b%&ch. So that was call one from the counselor. 

Call two came about an hour later from the principal. 

“Hello Mrs Turner,  this is K…. Smith from the school.”

“Do we need to come and get him?”

She then proceeds to tell me he was in a fight and is supended for the half day. After they look ar the security tape, they will decide if there wold be further measures.

 So to the school we go. He comes to the car hot and angry. This wasn’t his fault. We don’t care. He basically hate everyone and everything.  It’s our fault and we don’t have his back.

Ron has to get back to work so I am left with a raging Teen. Oh joy. A raging teen that I am supposed to get to his psychiatrist appointment to due a routine med evaluation.  This now has to be more than that.

Somehow, thanks be to God, he agrees to go with me. Unfortunately we had an hour wait where he was ready to run.

We go back to see Dr D. The question is asked how have things been. I ask the Teen if he wanted to share. A snarl. I then tell the doctor it’s been awful. We then lay out his behaviors with me asking the Teen, “Am I telling it correctly?”

Dr D then asks the Teen a variety of questions. Then explains to him some of the behaviors and what they can be.

He speaks to us about his rages and periods of maniac being a form of bi polar. And that his social miss cues, stuttering and a few other behaviors makes him think of the Autism Spectrym and Aspergers.  He then tells him of Einstein and a few others that were a bit right of the norm.

As a parent you want to protect your children. I cannot even imagine the inner turmoil he had inside.I can’t imagine what all is inside of him and I think we only see a bit of manifestation.

I was not there during his first 8 years of life. I was not there when he was abused by his bio parents, I was not there through 11 foster homes. Bit I (we) are here now. We repeatedly tell him we love him.

I explain that I love him even when I don’t like his actions. Love can’t fix everything but it’s a great start of building trust. My baby boy is ill, he has a chemical imbalance, he has an invisible disease. I can’t remove it from him or even take this burden. 

We now have to show him that he can make it through this if he goes to counseling, takes his meds and let us help. This boy is stubborn and doesn’t believe this and doesn’t think anyone is there for him.

We are trying our best and praying a whole lot.

I think at times the visible diseases are so much easier than mental disorders.  People accept cancer, strokes and heart  disease more so than bi polar, autism, depression and anxiety. 

This is so very new to us. We expected one of our two to have issues but now it is both. We hope to do our very best. I am glad that we our people of faith because I am going to need God’s strength. 

Someone told me this morning thar the phrase, “thy will be done” in the Lord’s prayer resonated with them this week. I so understand. …God let thy will be done in this.

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Author:

I am a wife, mother, and pastor. We moved from Bowling Green, Missouri to Idaho Falls in 2016. I am a native of Eastern Washington state. In 2013 I had 2 strokes in 8 days and this is my journey of faith, family and health. I believe no matter what happens in your life that God can use it for His glory.

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